Translator’s Note: This article comes from Harper’s Bazaar 2020 Feb Issue.
To Xiao Zhan, his encounters in the past few years are “Dreams come true” – or perhaps he can consider as “Lucky”, but what can only match it is his all-out effort and hard work. He believes that opportunity needs to come with luck and effort, he prepares himself so that the next crossroads will always be clearer.
In the past 1 year, there are many things that Xiao Zhan could only describe as “surreal”.
“So nervous!” his doe-like eyes shining with light. “Miss Man created her own style in photography. There’s a familiarity looking at the layout when working with someone I know of since designer days, but the subject matter is actually me.” After saying this, he heaved a long sigh. Looking at a random point in front of him, he cannot help but smile – “It’s like a dream come true.”
“1 minute onstage equates to 10 years of effort offstage”
During the recording of the recent variety show “Our Song”, Xiao Zhan had the same surreal experience. When singing with mentor singers such as Na Ying and Wakin Chau, he was slightly trance-like, because he grew up listening to these singers, being on the same stage with these God-tiered singers, he was naturally anxious and fearful, and he was on high alert every moment of the way.
“Singing with Na Ying on the first three episodes, I was so nervous that I can’t even, and more nervous during the rehearsals than the actual recording – worried that I would be off tune, my ears were working hard to pick up the harmonization.” He would not allow himself to make any mistake, worried that the mentors felt that he did not prepare himself seriously – singing perfectly is one thing, intentionally putting in effort is another.
Although the performances in the show were mostly old songs, he needed to put aside the deeply rooted impressions and re-learn the songs as well as the harmonizing sections. “I must make sure that I will not go off tune, as well as ensure that there are no conflicts when we harmonize… It is really very difficult.” His current schedule was being programmed down to the minutes, there was no time for proper practice, hence he used every scrap of available time to do so. After every new composition, he would listen to it repeatedly until he could memorize it, “I listened to the songs repeatedly using earphones while in the car, even if I’m asleep I’m still listening, somewhat like brainwashing style of learning.”
Xiao Zhan quietly observed every detail of his mentors – they not only chose songs that suited their vocal range, they would also decide based on the partner’s situation and the harmonizing effect; they would continuously communicate with the onsite music director and stage director during rehearsals, and make adjustments on their techniques on the spot. The flexibility in the mentors’ performances amazed him – a successful performance can only be based on the accumulation of stage experiences, and not rely on fluke.
He can still remember his nervousness when he first joined the talent show – his legs were heavy as lead, he almost could not move, and his hands were shaking nonstop. “The stage required self-confidence, but no matter whether there were fireworks onstage, or the performance could set the stage afire, the endless practices offstage must continue. When one has full confidence on what to do onstage, only then there will be a possibility to create a better stage sensation.
The mentors gave him a lot of tips on how to practice his vocals, including how to relax the vocal cords. “They have very professional experience, and what they have imparted to me are shortcuts that they have discovered and summarized.” Xiao Zhan was frequently caught pouting before his performances. “That is not ‘trying to act cute’, pouting and bloating the mouth to the maximum, and then suddenly relaxing, is one of the ways to quickly relax your mouth muscles, it is very helpful to reading lines or singing.”
If there were an important recording session or a stage performance, he would skip all meals after that day’s breakfast, in accordance to the principle 饱吹饿唱 (TN: A full stomach is good for playing wind instruments, an empty stomach is good for singing), “My condition is actually better when I am hungry, and hunger gives me more clarity.” Promoting his strengths and avoiding his weaknesses is another of his principle, “My vocals are more suited to ballads or fresh soothing songs, if it is a ballad, I have 70% confidence onstage, whereas some songs requires some explosive strength, which might not be suitable for me.”
The charm of the stage comes from the “moment”, he likes the fleeting sensation, no matter whether it is his own condition or the audiences’ reaction, these could not be replicated or repeated. “I will not watch my own performances repeatedly, whether it is good or not I know it in my heart, what is past I will let it past.”
“Hard work may not guarantee success, but if you don’t work hard, you definitely will not succeed”
Between singer and actor, Xiao Zhan does not feel that they are mutually exclusive. “Why must it be divided so clearly instead of having both at the same time? I remember that the idols we used to love in our youth were multi-talented, such as Chen Kun and Zhou Xun were commonly recognized as outstanding actors, but they could also sing nice songs like Half Moon Crescent 半月湾 and The Sea 看海. Why now it must be idol is idol, actor is actor, singer is singer? I don’t quite understand this, everyone is just doing what they are passionate about, isn’t it great if it’s done well?”
However, to be able to do everything “well”, it is not just dependent on talent or opportunity. There was once a trending topic on Weibo, exclaiming that even with Xiao Zhan’s qualities, he still considered his looks as “average”, his vocals as “natural”, and he felt that he was lucky to have had the opportunities, and to complement this luck, he could only reply on down-to-earth hard work.
His recent drama shoot “The Oath of Love” had finally come to an end. This was his first “real” contemporary drama, and felt nervous because he had already been accustomed to the shooting style, the wigs, the costumes and the lines of period drama, and now he had to perform as a modern person realistically and naturally. “After shooting a lot of period dramas, you will naturally come with a ‘style’, that is you can exaggerate a bit, emphasize on some parts of the lines or emotions.” He suddenly focused his attention and recited in the period drama style, “Master, shalt t beest liketh this the present day?” It definitely felt out of place in the makeup room piled with clothes. (TN: He said “Master, shall it be like this today?”, but to emphasize on the contrast, I used Shakespearean English.)
“No one will speak like this in our daily lives, I am working hard to remove this ‘style’, but it turns out to be quite difficult.” This type of natural flow is also quite different from being his real self. “When I am singing onstage, I am Xiao Zhan himself, the person who has lived for 20 plus years, but when I am acting, I have to become another person, and I will hesitate on many details – should I be holding the chopsticks like this? Is it suitable to take a sip of water after saying this line?”
When shooting “The Wolf”, he would write long essays on his acting thoughts after the end of the day’s shooting everyday. Although he did not maintain this troublesome step till now, he still maintained the habit to summarize his day. “At that time, it really felt like you are writing year end summaries everyday, multiple sections, and you still needed outlines. I will record down what I learnt today, what I did and didn’t do today, and what I want to accomplish next time round… very detailed.” Initially, this was based on the performance teacher’s requirements, but Xiao Zhan started to feel that these tiresome work were very helpful. “It is possible that some of the points will be forgotten by the end of the class, but if you record them down, if you don’t remember the details later on, by looking at them, you can recall the details.”
After learning from the performance teacher, he was able to truly understand that the expressiveness from both lines and body movement are just as powerful. “There was once during class, the teacher told me to read the lines with my eyes closed, and use different emotions to convey rage, happiness, sadness and unspeakable feelings. His final goal was to help me forget the baggage from lines, and to be unrestricted by technicalities.” The teacher tossed him the dictionary 新华字典, and said, “You will win if you finish reading this dictionary.”
Xiao Zhan believed that opportunity needs to come with luck and effort. When shooting “The Untamed”, he once felt that his condition the previous day was not good enough, and requested the director to reshoot the scene, but after the 4th or 5th take, the director said that the 1st take was still the best. “Human emotions are very mysterious – you would think that the more you give the better it becomes, but instead you could not repeat the initial most natural performance. The first take is always full of unknown, my partners and I do not know how much emotions we intend to inject into the scene; instead we stimulate each other, invoke the most real emotions; the latter takes already have the information from the previous takes, instead there are more predefined boundaries.”
Usually, before an important scene, the whole atmosphere of the scene would become very serious. “Sometimes I would think that I don’t want to think about other additional things, and put in all of my 100% effort in the scene, but instead be unable to perform. I still don’t have much acting experience, but I feel that you need to be relaxed performing, enjoy the performance, if you are on a tight rope, you won’t be able to act well.”
The director also told him that he needs to forgive himself, that art itself is something that is filled with the beauty of regrets. “If I can’t do better I would definitely feel depressed, but I always accept the existence of regret. There are limits to my abilities, but I will do my best, the existence of regrets is not an excuse, I still have to put in all of my efforts.”
Xiao Zhan understood this principle since his childhood days when he was learning how to draw. Some people are just better than any average person at drawing, and you just cannot surpass them. “The most important homework that everyone must do is to accept themselves, don’t have to feel depressed or hopeless when you see another person’s talents. The path everyone takes is different, we do not need to compare with others and feel hopeless, we just need to find what is suitable for us, and you also need to believe that hard work will compensate what you lack in talent. Yes, hard work may not guarantee success, but if you don’t work hard, you definitely will not succeed.”
“Commoner’s wish”
If the start of acting was just going with the flow, he now views it as the true goal to work towards, and something that he loves from the bottom of his heart. “The life of Xiao Zhan may not be able to experience all the wild and crazy things, now as a public character, I cannot let loose and live presumptuously, vent my emotions as I like, but I can experience different lives in acting.”
It has only been just a month since the end of his previous drama shoot, but he already found himself restless and wanting to participate in the next piece of work. “It is this kind of desire, I just want to get into the next phase of life, I like the feeling of detachment from myself.”
However, he will always bid farewell to a role, and once again rejoin his life. In 2019, the name Xiao Zhan became one of the names that attracted the most attention. Although he rejects all kinds of characterization, and hoped that he can present his most natural and real self, he still received all kinds of projected imagery. The over-attention extended into his personal life and gave him some sense of insecurity, but he hoped that he could still have space to live as any common person – able to head out for a meal or watch a movie, keeping his common sense.
“Of course I will be more careful when it comes to conveying myself. I am actually very careful, now I represent not just Xiao Zhan as a person, but also my team, even if not for myself, there is no need to create any unnecessary trouble.” When he encounters any problems, he will usually digest it himself. “Frankly speaking, I also haven’t met much problems that I cannot resolve myself. But a lot of problems, what others can do is to give me some opinions, some direction, cheer you on, but they can’t really solve it for you. How to persist, how to overcome, it all depends on myself, because only I know what actually happened.”
He had not stopped flying this whole year, always hurrying, but he felt that, in principle, there were not much difference from his days as a designer. “Designers also had to always work overtime, now I could also relax on the weekends.” He had slight insomnia the night before the shoot, hence he dozed off during the make up, and only ate a few mouthfuls for breakfast and lunch – this is already his standard daily life. “This is just a phase, very difficult, but I have to tide over. And I don’t feel that this is something tough to do, I enjoy my work, and also enjoy the sense of security and fulfillment from a busy work schedule.”
He still has unlimited dreams, for example, having another hobby besides drawing, learning more about design, recently he is also thinking about learning a new instrument. “But sometimes what I want most is to go home or to the hotel and relax on the bed. What comes next, I’ll think about it when I get up.”
