Cover Story: Be True · Be You

Original Article: https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/owy5OKSTQ0GjUAMzBBbpcw
Original Author: 嘉人 Marie Claire
Translator’s note: The article will be published in the 307th Issue of Marie Clare for January 2024’s start of the year issue.

When I pronounce the word Future,
the first syllable already belongs to the past.

When I pronounce the word Silence,
I destroy it.

When I pronounce the word Nothing,
I make something no non-being can hold.

“The Three Oddest Words” by Wisława Szymborska

 

Xiao Zhan held up a handheld fan to dry the slightly seeping sweat because of the filming. When the photographer signaled the start, he stepped forward, stepped back, walked forward again, and continued to retreat. The props on his back were like airplanes, his eyes were constantly searching for the camera, like a mischievous child exploring an unknown world. Every cycle back and forth, he was thinking about the more refined possibilities between advancement and retreat.

It’s hard not to notice Xiao Zhan’s sense of propriety. When being interviewed, he had a catchphrase: “Can I say this?” Or, as if to confirm himself, “I can say it like this, right?” He also reflects on himself constantly. For example, he would repeatedly remind himself not to let his performance become habitual. Once he would get used to it, it will develop into terrible inertia. For example, he would often emphasize that he did not like to be mysterious for the sake of it, he might not understand many truths, but he would share only his sincere daily feelings. Another example, when he heard a crew member commenting that he was always “striving for excellence”, he responded that he had not yet reached “excellence” and only wanted to “strive”.

Xiao Zhan spoke slowly and eloquently, he did not have a thunderous and fiery personality. He chatted calmly and had the demeanor of a benevolent gentleman. He was not tense at all as well. He chatted about varied topics and when he got to the point where he was enjoying himself, he naturally leaned back on the chair and gently held his right leg with both hands. The content of the chat ranged from the unchanging emotions contained in the classic songs of the times to artificial intelligence (AI), his views on human beings, as well as his own performances and life experiences.

In 2023, 3 television dramas starring Xiao Zhan broadcasted one after another. He played the colorful and vivid forefather, the lonely and cold crown prince, and the newcomer who struggled in the workplace. Every time he entered a drama group, he would dream, about real scenes and real pressure related to filming. After the dream was over, he would immerse himself into the heart of the character and perform it, leaving vivid memories and feelings.

There is a ruler in the heart and a measurement outside his body. Appropriateness is Xiao Zhan’s internal perspective, an accurate view towards work, life and he himself. Outside of the measurements is Xiao Zhan’s external perspective, the perceptive understanding of the past, time and space, and the world. Within the length of measurements, the heaven and earth appear naturally.

Within the Appropriateness: A truly lovable character will always have imperfections

3 television dramas have been aired and new dramas are being filmed. For actor Xiao Zhan, 2023 is a fruitful year.

Occasionally, when he looked back on his career as an actor, Xiao Zhan would be in a daze for a moment. In the blink of an eye, it seemed like he had been there for a long time. Almost every time when he filmed a drama, he always had a routine: dreaming. He dreamed about memorizing lines, dreamed about going through the scenes with the director, he would even dream about taking a math test, but could not solve any of the questions on the paper, then waking up with a start.

Xiao Zhan felt that this was caused by pressure, and he accepted it calmly. Perhaps there was another reason, deep down in his heart, he did not regard himself as an experienced actor, but always placed himself in the position of a newcomer, with an attitude of learning and exploration. Therefore, every time he would go to a drama group, he always had the experience of starting all over again.

Xiao Zhan was very wary of becoming habitual. Sometimes he would also advise himself not to give himself so much pressure, not to overthink, and to try to be more relaxed. But once he realized that he had started to rely on performance models, experiences and habits, he would again remind himself that taking things for granted would be dangerous. After a long period of habits, inertia would occur, and inertia would lead to “taking things for granted”. Therefore, every time he would interpret a role, he would always have to gain some freshness.

Xiao Chunsheng in “Where Dreams Begin / The Youth Memories” was a character full of freshness. Because, there were extremely obvious differences between him and Xiao Zhan himself. Xiao Chunsheng was a youth in Beijing in the 1970s, which was completely different from era and environment in which Xiao Zhan grew up.

Military coats, 28″ wheels bicycles, the ice surface of Shichahai, and the transformation from a youth to a middle-aged entrepreneur, all of these were not familiar to Xiao Zhan. To this day, there were still “traces” of Xiao Chunsheng in Xiao Zhan: when it came to the character Chen Hongjun in the play, he would always say “Hong Jun’er”. Those Beijing accents, the “er” epenthesis, the “aiyoeh” and “whoa” exclamations that he practiced when filming started were all words on Xiao Zhan’s lips.

The language, objects and period were still alright, but for Xiao Zhan, the biggest difference from Xiao Chunsheng was his personality. He is an introvert who enjoys being alone, while Xiao Chunsheng was the complete opposite, he would make many friends and overly loved to socialize. Based on today’s standards, this extreme enthusiasm often meant a lack of a sense of boundaries. “The times are developing faster and faster. Today’s youths are living a fast-paced life and will not easily cross the boundaries of getting along.” Xiao Zhan commented, “But Xiao Chunsheng is an extremely meddlesome person, so it is easy to offend others.” When he read the script, he was quite intimidated by this role and felt that it would be difficult to act him as a likeable person. But after hesitating for a long time, a thought suddenly caught his attention: perhaps, the qualities we were hesitant about today contained exactly what we need.

Fresh and vivid, this was Xiao Zhan’s summary of Xiao Chunsheng and his contemporaries. “Hate is hate. Like is like. Don’t you think each of their colors are particularly fresh and vivid?” he asked. Even now, when thinking back to some scenes in “Where Dreams Begin / The Youth Memories”, he still felt that the characters were shining brightly, they were vivid and brilliant.

After playing Xiao Chunsheng, a person who was far away from current values, Xiao Zhan also gained something in terms of mentality: do not be afraid of making mistakes. He said: “A truly lovable character will always have imperfections.” During the filming, he once asked the director if it was particularly annoying for Xiao Chunsheng to worry so much about others. The director told him that it was precisely because of this “annoyance” that he was Xiao Chunsheng, and “annoyance” was his charm.

The director’s words suddenly enlightened Xiao Zhan, sometimes he would fall into a strange loop, hoping to avoid and correct the imperfections of the character. “When you change it like this, the character himself loses his charm.” Xiao Zhan said, “So I think I should not be afraid when doing homework for the character, if he is enthusiastic then he should be enthusiastic, if he crosses the boundary then he should. If I always have to consider the character’s shortcomings, thinking about what will happen if the audience scolds me, then it will be difficult to act.” Because, actors play characters, not personalities.

Not being afraid of flaws, to some extent, also meant the courage and ability to seek truth. “Sunshine By My Side” was Xiao Zhan’s first appearance in an urban workplace drama. His reason for taking on this drama was simple: modern dramas are too close to reality and everyone is living it, therefore it is difficult to perform it such that everyone believes it. Because he was not sure and confident, he firmly believed that he would learn something after “gnawing” it down. Thus, the character Sheng Yang came into being.

“Sunshine By My Side” made Xiao Zhan realize that urban dramas relied heavily on the cooperation between actors. Because it was more life-like, every detail would not be set in stone, and the lines and performances would be slightly adjusted. “We are all living people, we do not exist to maintain a persona. What everyone does, says and expresses, the emotions are all natural, reasonable, and flowing. If you change, my performance will also change accordingly.” Xiao Zhan said, this kind of creative coupling eliminates the possibility of actors being rigid and mechanical, hence it is a fresh and fun experience.

Sheng Yang was a designer, which happened to be the job that Xiao Zhan had done before. With personal experience, flexibility during performance could be guaranteed. “When Sheng Yang wanted to draw the design sketches, I would really draw them there. Sometimes I would tell them, art director, your layers seem to be locked and I can’t move them.” Xiao Zhan recalled, “Because it was my own life, so I was more skilled at it. Can I say that? Alright.” He never forgot his sense of appropriateness even when it came to his true feelings.

Xiao Zhan was no stranger to fantasy themed dramas. “The Longest Promise” was the most recent example. For him, acting in a drama with such an imaginary background requires a process of nothing to fruition. Facing a green screen, if he had to imagine extreme weather or breathtaking scenery, he needed to create it himself. As for whether his condition was realistic and whether the emotion was subtle enough, more often than not, he had to trust the evaluation made by the director behind the monitor.

Whether it is a ancient costume drama or a contemporary drama, Xiao Zhan always had a clear understanding when facing the script and characters. “At any one time, there are only a few good things, which is why people always say that they could only be discovered and not sought.” He recalled his observations over the years, “Some scripts may be considered good by the industry, but the market feedback may not be so good. What is everyone’s definition of good? Is it good sales or good word-of-mouth? It’s hard to judge.” Therefore, what he could do now is to return to his own understanding and feelings and choose what he thought would be the best roles. As for what role he wanted to play the most, Xiao Zhan said: “I have been mentioning it for many years, an adorable and charming villain, if I get the chance.”

Outside of the Appropriateness: The emotions between people have never changed

When reading the script of “Where Dreams Begin / The Youth Memories”, Xiao Zhan’s mind would be filled with photos of his parents when they were young.

Dad was riding a bicycle and mom was sitting in the back seat, wearing a red skirt and a white shirt. When passing a big rock, my father took a photo of my mother as a souvenir. She smiled brilliantly at the camera, looking like a bright girl. When it was his turn to play the role of his parents in their youth, he tried his best to restore the freshness and even rashness of youth, he did not want to deliberately portray the story in a rigid and stern direction just because it was a story about his parents’ generation.

Regarding time, Xiao Zhan seemed to have a special sense and understanding. He was sentimental and nostalgic. No matter whether he would be singing in variety shows or event, or listening to them in private, he always had a preference for old songs. They were memorable, rich in meaning, and gave him space to think.

When he was a child, he did not have much pocket money, so Xiao Zhan would either go to the video store to rent CDs, or exchange CDs and tapes with his classmates. He could still remember the prices clearly even now. To this day, he still had the CD player and Walkman he used back then in his home. Sometimes, he would return to wired headphones because they are convenient and easy to find. In the dead of night, he would occasionally think of the things that were gradually fading in the torrent of time. He was alone, with his heart flowing, this was his comfortable state.

Xiao Zhan said that he was a very homely person and when he had spare time at home, he would just work out or watch movies. He never regarded watching movies as a task, any genre, he would watch them all, regardless whether they were popular commercial movies or niche art films. Recently, he watched “Anatomy of a Fall”, which was the best film at the 2023 Cannes International Film Festival.

Around New Year, he would often revisit “Love Actually” and watch it again every two or three years. The reason was also very straightforward, the family, love, and friendship in the movie all conveyed truth, goodness and beauty, which warmed people’s hearts when watching them.

“Don’t you think that the emotions between people have never changed? Old movies will always be unearthed and watched, and old songs will always be repeatedly heard, because the emotions sung by truly classic works remain unchanged throughout the ages. Only sincerity can move people.” Xiao Zhan seemed to have a sudden inspiration and compared it with AI, “I think AI cannot replace humans. Maybe its technology can one day surpass the limits of humans, but that kind of complex emotions, humans far surpass computers. It can be said that humans are the most accurate, mysterious, and complex supercomputers.”

Xiao Zhan would pay attention to AI, just like how he would pay attention to all new things in the world that are deeply related to people. He watched the news and read things written by AI, the depth of thought and logic of thinking made him feel incredible. Perhaps, in some job competitions, the threat of AI to human beings would already be close at hand, but he still firmly believed that AI could not replace face-to-face communication between people, whether it is immediacy or complexity.

When these distant concerns about new things were temporarily put aside, Xiao Zhan also had his own expectations for the world.

When filming “Ace Troops” a few years ago, in order to portray the image of a soldier who was concerned with the nation, Xiao Zhan observed and trained in the army for more than a week. He got up at five or six in the morning every day and ate and lived with the soldiers. After performing this drama, he felt deeply about the cruelty of war and understood the hard-won peace. “I cherish my current life more, this is the truth.” Xiao Zhan said. Therefore, the current vision for world peace, might also be related to countless people in infinite distances away.

Regarding his own expectations, Xiao Zhan outlined it more simply: “I have done very well in 2023, I hope I can maintain it.” After thinking for a while, he added: “In 2024, I hope to love myself more, care more about my own feelings and thoughts. This sentence is not only for myself, but also for everyone.”

In Xiao Zhan’s heart, his person on screen is different from his person in real life. In private, he will not polish himself too much, nor will he dress too glamorously, he just wants to be natural and true to himself.

“Just like the current chat, similar to this comfortable state, just keep to it. I won’t change my face and portray another person.” Xiao Zhan said, “It’s too tiring. Too tiring.” He repeated twice.

A poet wrote, “My heart is slightly larger than the entire universe.” Outside Xiao Zhan’s appropriateness, there is the restraint of “simplicity” and the vastness of “universe”.